remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
