Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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