I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
