Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
