I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
