new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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