she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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