remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
