i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
