you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
