you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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