hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
