a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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