i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
