Umm I'm too high to move.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
