It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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