Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
