Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
