he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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