I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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