on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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