My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
