Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
