it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
