A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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