My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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