I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
