someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
