i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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