I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Alive.
So much puke
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
