Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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