Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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