Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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