Your dad touched me again.
I think my fart just growled at me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
