Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
