i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
