plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I didn't notice because vodka
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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