I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
