you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
