I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
