You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
