Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
