ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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