I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
