Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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