I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
