Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
