i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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