Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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