Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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