at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
