If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
