someone owes me an orgasm
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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