he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
