I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
